Joy, Lightness and Creativity

We have noticed how easy it is to get trapped into being too serious about these issues and to forget the huge value of real joy.

There seems to be lots of pressure to take all of this really seriously. We are given lots of messages to be careful, tread lightly, wear black, light candles, speak quietly, be sorrowful and spiritual around issues of aging, illness and dying. Of course these messages are true. When people are fearful, suffering and in pain we do need to act with gentleness and deep care.

AND over and over again we have heard about the equally important value of laughter, joy and creativity. “Can we just be a bit lighter about all of this sometimes!”

Art, music, fun, dancing, singing, good food, playing, being silly - all of this seems to be a vital part of showing up and ‘being with’ our own and our loved ones aging, illness, dying and grieving.

This is not just about distraction or amusement. People told us how valuable having time to be creative is: to have the emotional equivalent of sitting in the sun for a while; to genuinely laugh with others. There are many stories of how pets and children are often the best at knowing when to insist on talking time for playing (as well as when to curl up quietly and give us a cuddle).

It feels like a bit of a balancing act. People don’t want to bury pain in ‘fake’ laughter and insist on staying upbeat to avoid dealing with what is real. But neither do they want everyone to be uptight and ‘careful’ or ‘deep’ all the time. Too much ‘heaviness’ is exhausting.

Getting the balance right might feel hard. Maybe there are different roles for different people - with some of us better at bringing up the serious stuff and others who are better at knowing when to and how to lighten up? But remembering that we should be trying to find that balance in our own lives, families and communities- even when things are really hard and tough - might be really valuable.

When we are doing the work of befriending death, there are lots of times when we need to let go of all of the deep stuff. Put it down. Step away. Stop contemplating - and just dance.

Have you ever experienced the exhaustion that comes from everything being too serious for too long? What helped? What works for you?

And what about when it feels like people are using ‘fun’, ‘optimism’ or ‘lightness’ as a way of pushing away other real feelings?

How do the people in your life deal with finding the balance between being real and lightening up?