The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying
I wish I had had the courage to live a life true to myself and not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish I had allowed myself to be happier.
From the work of Bronnie Ware
Guides for action and contemplation
If we are not just focused on wills and funeral plans - what else could we be talking and thinking about?
What could deeper, more meaningful, messier conversations include?
How do we even start?
The guides
These guides link to some of the quieter spaces and messier ideas we have come across as we have talked with people about their own experiences of aging, dying, illness and caregiving.
We hope that they are useful tools to help uncover what is most important for you, and give you some ideas to try out.
They are in no particular order. Just start with what interests you.
What does this mean and why could it matter?
Finding meaning in aging and dying
Death can be hard and sad. And at the same time, can we find meaning, purpose and even a sense of hope in aging and dying?
How to talk more (and more deeply)
How to start conversations when you do want to be talking more about these things.
Questions to help you start to uncover more about what matters to you and the people you care about.
What to say when you don’t know what to say
How to show up for other people who are ill, grieving suffering or dying.
How to use these guides
There is lots here!
Don’t worry about engaging with everything in each guide.
Just skim through and see if one or two things spark your curiosity or feel right to you.
Put things in your own words.
Pick a couple of things and try them out.
What feels wrong? What do you want to change? Do that instead!
Try something. If it doesn’t work - that is fine. Just pause. Do it a bit differently. Try again another time. Or pick a different starting point.
Remember that friendship, joy, and laughter are an important part of this process. It is ok to laugh and have fun.
If things are feeling too deep and too serious for too long- take a pause. Breath, walk, sing, eat cake. Ask for support.
If none of this is useful- what is it that you are looking for instead? Go looking for that.
If you can, reach out to someone and share whatever it is that these guides make you feel or think.
Thinking and talking are not the only ways to connect and explore. Here are some ideas about finding different, gentle ways in.
These guides are not for times of crisis or when big decisions need to be made quickly. Instead they are tools to try out when you have time and space for reflection.
What you will find in these guides is just what we have unearthed from talking to ordinary people, sharing stories, and getting curious about where that takes us.
Take what is useful, and leave behind anything that is not.
There is no right or wrong way to do any of this. Find what makes sense for you, your family, and your community.
